Beneath the surface … Rashid J. Ahmed

Beneath the Surface

Rashid Javed Ahmed

The dinner party that night was meticulously arranged. Javed had planned it early in their relationship to introduce Noshi to his close friends. As the evening progressed, Noshi dominated the conversation, steering every topic back to herself, her accomplishments, and her anecdotes. Whenever someone else tried to share something, Noshi adeptly redirected the discussion, leaving Javed and the others feeling overlooked.

Javed had always cherished the simplicity of love. Raised in a modest household, he believed love was expressed through small acts of kindness, shared laughter, and mutual respect. When he met Noshi at a literary gathering, her confidence, radiant smile, and undeniable charm captivated him. They quickly became inseparable, sharing dreams and whispering sweet nothings over cups of coffee.

Noshi thrived on admiration. She expertly cultivated a perfect image of herself, presenting to the world as a loving and devoted partner. However, Javed began to see through the cracks. It started with minor incidents—Noshi always redirected conversations to focus on her achievements or struggles. At first, Javed dismissed this as a quirk, but it became a recurring pattern. Whenever he talked about his day or feelings, Noshi would either change the subject or belittle his experiences. Her love seemed conditional, tied to how well he fit into her narrative of a perfect life.

Javed started to feel lost. The warmth he once felt in their love became suffocating. Noshi’s needs always came first, and any attempt to express his desires was met with accusations of selfishness. She had a way of twisting words and situations, making him doubt his perceptions. Though he felt trapped, he couldn’t imagine life without her. She was his world, despite the pain.

One evening, after a long day at work, Javed suggested a quiet night in. But Noshi had other plans. “But Javed,” she pouted, “I’ve been looking forward to going out. Everyone will be there. How will it look if we don’t show up?”

Javed sighed. “I just need some rest, Noshi. Maybe you can go, and I’ll join next time.”

Her expression darkened. “You never think about how I feel. You’re always so selfish.”

The words stung. Javed tried to explain, but Noshi’s anger only grew. That night, he lay awake, questioning his actions, his love, and his worth. The cycle continued, with Noshi always finding ways to make him feel inadequate.

On Javed’s birthday, Noshi planned an elaborate surprise party. Yet, the event felt more about showcasing her organizational skills than celebrating Javed. She frequently reminded everyone of the effort she put into the decorations and catering, often saying, “This is what I do for those I love.” Javed noticed how little the party reflected his preferences—it was all about Noshi’s achievements.

Javed, an aspiring writer, finally had one of his articles published in a renowned magazine. Excitedly, he shared the news with Noshi, hoping for her support. Instead, she overshadowed his joy by announcing her participation in an upcoming fashion show. “Your article is great; Javed, but I have to attend the fashion exhibition which could be a huge break for me. Let’s focus on that,” she said, brushing aside his excitement.

Later, as Javed read another section of the magazine, he stumbled upon an article describing behaviors that mirrored Noshi’s. The need for admiration, lack of empathy, and manipulation all resonated. The article also detailed the psychological toll on partners, explaining the confusion, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion they often experienced.

Armed with this understanding, Javed saw their relationship in a new light. He realized he had been molding himself to meet Noshi’s insatiable needs, losing his own identity. It was time to reclaim his life.

In the following weeks, Javed began setting boundaries. Noshi, unhappy with this change, accused him of not loving her anymore. But Javed stood firm.

“Noshi,” he said calmly during one confrontation, “I love you, but I need to love myself too. This relationship can’t only be about your needs—it has to be about both of us.”

Noshi scoffed. “You’re being ridiculous. I’ve always put you first.”

Javed shook his head. “No, Noshi, you’ve always put yourself first. And that’s okay if that’s who you are, but I can’t lose myself trying to keep up.”

The days following were tense. Noshi fluctuated between sweetness and anger, trying to pull Javed back into the dynamic that suited her. But Javed remained resolute. He sought support from friends and even consulted a therapist, who helped him understand the complexities of loving someone with certain psychological tendencies. “You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change,” the therapist advised. “You have to decide what kind of relationship you want and whether this one aligns with that vision.”

Javed thought about the painful decision to end things with Noshi. It wasn’t easy. Despite everything, he still loved her. But he knew love shouldn’t come at the cost of his mental health. He had also in his mind that he would ask her if she could see a therapist but he could not suggest. As a final attempt to save their relationship, he suggested a quiet weekend getaway to spend quality time together. Noshi agreed, but once there, she spent most of her time documenting their trip for social media. When Javed expressed feeling neglected, she dismissed his concerns. “You should be proud I’m sharing our life with the world,” she said.

Noshi reacted predictably when Javed decided to leave—pleading, and then accusing him of betrayal. But Javed had made up his mind. He walked away, not just from the relationship but from the psychological hold Noshi had over him.

Months later, Javed rediscovered his passions, reconnected with old friends, and, most importantly, learned to love himself again. Leaving a draining relationship was the best decision he could have made. His life took a new path. He pursued his passion for writing, pouring his experiences into stories that resonated with many. His work gained recognition, and he found a community that appreciated him for who he was. For Javed, the journey was one of healing, growth, and finding love that embraced him fully. As he moved forward, he realized that love and connections should uplift, not burden. With renewed hope and a heart full of possibilities, he smiled, knowing he was finally on the right track, ready to find a love that truly felt like home.