Failed Me…Jessica Lilelk


Jessica Lilelk

I’m calling it: FAILED ME:

He won’t talk to me

i feel the cold shoulder

like rain on my head

And I’m growing colder

It’s like i can’t see the light

and i’m descending in darkness

i’m hopeless and falling

wasn’t meant to be like this

I came to learn about love

now i move with trepidation

but every second guess

is filled with hesitation

with fear in my step

under the trees

I folded my hands and

fell to my knees

time for the blessing

to play out in the sun

but even as a child

it was hard to have fun

i used to wake early

roused by intuition

that the day has arrived

it’s time for fruition

as i pray, under the stars

it becomes so clear to me

I’ve fallen from favor

“God must be mad at me”

what demon is this

That brought my destitution

what curse has been cast

that has me seek restitution

As I reach atonement

From what I was taught

I look up in the mirror

An see what God is not

Trying to catch up in the world

left me running in place

going nowhere too fast

and I fell out of grace

It’s always worse than the last

struggling through anxiety

“You’re gonna fail”, but

who’s that voice inside of me

I’ve forfeit my purpose

and neglected my power

I’ve abandoned myself

in my darkest hour

stuck now, digging a hole

to be my own grave

bear with me King

as i relinquish my ways

in a matter of time

and sincerely, redemption

His love courses through me

As His RIGHTOUS pre-emption

The illusion of myself

was getting away with me

I said thank you for the struggle

but now i can see

i prayed for an angel

to help me believe

…with certain revelation…

“It was only me mad at me.

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July 2024